“Maverick” is more than just a word.
It is also an acronym for what resides in my core: Mindfulness. Authenticity. Vitality. Earth-love. Raw&Real. Intensity. Creativity. Kindness.
Here’s the story…
I (Maggie) am a survivor of physical and emotional trauma.
Amidst coping, I created my entire life around trying to please other people to make up for the “worthless” feeling I had inside me. Through academics, sports, instruments, jobs, relationships… my only purpose was to make sure others would be proud of me, would want me in their lives, and I wouldn’t be a burden to them.
After graduating college with every honor I could get my hands on, I married a respectable young man right away. We bought a house and a dog, and I made sure there was a meal on the table when he got home from his 9-5. We both provided service to the community, spent time with family on the weekends, went to church, and lived our picture-perfect little life together.
The truth under the surface was that I was dying. I didn’t know who I was. Despite my work with many therapists, an attempt at Jesus, and a general acceptance of my past, I was still completely lost, and unhappy, and unfulfilled. I was living a life I assumed everyone would be proud of, but I wasn’t.
In a desperate attempt to start living, I left everything, packed a backpack, and headed out on the Appalachian Trail. With just me, myself, and I to answer to, I finally took a deep breath. For the first time, I let myself be 100% myself. I let myself think the thoughts I was avoiding: I don’t love or feel loved by my husband. I don’t believe in the religion I say I’m a part of. I am bored and unconnected where I live. I am emotional and afraid and sometimes I lose control, and I’m exhausted from apologizing for it.
After sorting out all of the pain and determining what I didn’t want, I had to figure out what it is I did want. I didn’t know where to begin and I was overwhelmed by the thought, “I don’t know who I am.” So I did the only thing I knew I could do. I sat down with a blank sheet of paper and wrote down everything that was important to me.
That’s when M.A.V.E.R.I.C.K. was born.
While there were other words, values, and phrases included when I first started jotting down notes, the words that spelled out “M.A.V.E.R.I.C.K.” were glowing on the page. I immediately looked up the definition of “maverick” itself, and it described exactly how I was feeling.
It was then I made a decision.
M.A.V.E.R.I.C.K. would be my foundation; my moral code; my own personal checks and balances system to make sure I never fell into another people-pleasing rhythm ever again. And while old habits die-hard, and I still find myself wondering what others think of me and whether or not I am pleasing them, I am much more capable and confident to bring myself back to… myself.
From there, I’ve been able to learn more about the role my traumatic past has had in all of this. I realized that there was no sense in pretending I was “normal,” and started to accept myself as “different.” Within that acceptance, came empowerment. And that is what I want to share with the world.
My hopes are that this story resonates with you in a raw and authentic way. M.A.V.E.R.I.C.K. may be an acronym for the things I stand for, but the heart of the matter is that we all have a different combination of greatness that makes us, us. Do the work, find yours. And let it propel you into your truest self. The MavPack is here to support you! Don’t know where to begin? Click here and let me know – I want to help!