"When you sit at the poker table, you don't get to play both sides; you're not the dealer. The cards you get are the cards you get. Your hand is your hand, and you gotta play it out. Now the question is, are you gonna play it out? Or fold? Just last night I had … Continue reading Play The Cards You Were Dealt
Silence. I've been mostly silent for months now. Not because I don't have anything to say - I don't think we ever have to worry about that! - but because of a creativity block. All the content flowing through my brain is for me. Things I'm working through, processing through, dealing with, and learning from. … Continue reading What Exists in the Silence.
How did I get here? Again? I thought I was better. I remember back to the day when I woke up and realized my life wasn’t mine. That I had been allowing the people in my life to shape it because of my deep-seated fear of being alone; of disappointing anyone or pushing them away. … Continue reading Nothing Stays the Same
Success is a funny thing, isn’t it? First of all, who defines it? I hope the answer is you. You define it for yourself. Sure, we let all sorts of people and experiences influence how we define it, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live with your success. Do … Continue reading I Am Scared
I did not grow up in a religious house-hold. Allegedly, my family is Catholic. I remember going to some sort of kids class at the church on a weeknight growing up, I had a first communion, and there’s video proof I’ve been baptized, but to say my family is religious is just a wild exaggeration. … Continue reading Chapter 6: Religious Manipulation
I am a big dreamer, in case you haven’t noticed! I always have been. I can remember laying awake at night imagining the things I’d achieve, the stages I’d perform on, the traveling I’d do, and the people I’d meet. Do you remember the first time you felt that gut-wrenching I-gotta-have-that sensation? Where you wanted … Continue reading Chapter 5: Dreams Don’t Come True
I fell in love when I was 11 years old. Go ahead… roll your eyes, throw the “yea right’s” at me, whatever! I totally did. I’m sure you all thought I was going to write about my divorce here. Surprise! Don’t get me wrong, I loved my ex-husband. But our story isn’t at all like … Continue reading Chapter 4: Love Doesn’t Last
I was “that kid,” back in the day. You know the ones: naturally gifted at sports, got A’s without studying, excelled at everything without even trying. I am aware of how blessed I am in that regard, despite what I was going through with my caretakers. Looking back, it feels like a solid trade-off. I … Continue reading Chapter 3: Bodies Fail
I’m a child of divorce. I know, I know, that’s such a common thing these days, but I don’t like that it is! And it doesn’t change the way it feels. Especially to a kid. Honestly, I thought I was one of the lucky ones. My parents have been divorced for as long as I … Continue reading Chapter 2: Love is Conditional
Chapter 1 of the Trust Series. Let's just come out with it. My first childhood memory? Repetitive sexual abuse from my baby-sitter's son. My well-being was daily entrusted to a woman with 5 children. Rightfully so, my parents believed this woman was fit to keep an eye on another one. And honestly, she probably was. … Continue reading Chapter 1: Caretakers Don’t Always Take Care of You.