It has been truly wonderful to be able to spend the last two months unemployed. And even though I’ve had to become comfortable relying on others and making a dent in my savings account, I can honestly say that I don’t regret my decision to quit the corporate world at all!

For those of you who’ve known me for a while, you know that I have always dreamed of being self-employed. I talk incessantly about creating sources of passive income, of packing up a van and enjoying the freedom of the open road, and of living a schedule-less life. Despite the consistency of this dream over the past 7 or 8 years, I have yet to make any progress towards making this a reality.

Instead of putting in the time and effort towards believing in myself, I have continuously sought a more comfortable environment with the safety and security of financial stability and “normalcy.” I enjoyed the camouflage of a 9-to-5 job to ease my parents’ worries and mirror the social schedule of my community. While I’ve boasted of a lifestyle where I “live out loud” and “follow the fun,” I made it easy for me to do so by looking and acting like everyone else around me.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that. I have been happy over the past few years: I was making real money for the first time since college, I was developing strong relationships, I was growing my confidence, and I was allowing myself to recover from the chaos that was the first quarter of my life. But at the same time, I found myself feeling “trapped,” by a life of routine. I listened to my peers as they stated their contentment with their schedules as each year passed, and I started wondering if maybe something was wrong with me because I felt such unrest about my own. I have tried various career paths, I have leveraged my hobbies and vacations and social life to make the parts I didn’t like feel less discouraging, and I have put in the work to develop self-awareness and an understanding of what I need to “fill my bucket.”

No matter what I tried, I found that I still could not lay down at night without spending hours staring at the ceiling, feeling as though I was wasting my life away. I always ended up in the same place, envisioning a life that I was not currently living.

… and I am over it!

I understand it is a privilege to be able to quit your job and take time to breathe. I am in no way ungrateful for that. And I feel guilty for the fact that it has taken me more than two months to realize that even with an extra 40-50 hours a week of me-time, I am no closer to my goals. But, I am happy to say that it has finally clicked for me that no one else can make this happen for me. I am only going to achieve my goals if I put in the hard work. And no, it won’t be easy or comfortable, but it will be worth it.

Over the last few weeks I’ve spent countless hours studying to obtain my personal training certificate. I have co-founded a silk-screening business with a buddy of mine. I have written and mapped out a detailed plan to develop an online health and fitness business of my own. I have re-outlined the book I’ve been writing since 2017. And finally, I have tested and confirmed various methods of scheduling and tasking out my days, so that I will actually make progress towards the life I dream of. (More to come on those methods later!)

So why am I sharing all of this? One, because I don’t know how to do anything without announcing it on the internet. Two, because my life is going to start looking a lot different, and I want to create a space in which it’s okay to admit you may not be interested in continuing a connection with me.

With change comes risk, and with risk comes consequences. I am truthfully scared of how my social life and financial life will change as I move into a place of being more selfish with my time and resources. However, I find myself more afraid of what will happen if I continue to ignore my passions and desires.

I feel ready to give myself permission to live my life the way I want to; to give myself a chance to experience what it would be like if I were to live up to my full potential. I feel ready to accept that things may not go according to plan or meet my expectations, but I have to be able to at least say that I tried.

If there’s any wisdom that has come with age, it’s that life is short. And the things we think matter when we’re growing up, really don’t. I’ll be damned if I give any more of my time or energy towards things that don’t bring me joy or fulfillment.

Stick around, or don’t. But Find Your MAVERICK has a new movement… Living Your MAVERICK.