I’m ready for the next adventure.
The type of lifestyle I spent the last few years chasing – fun, expectation-free, and impulsive – has served me well, but I believe that chapter has come to an end. It has been a growing experience just to be present in my life without trying to accomplish anything or be anyone. It was hard to let go of those habits and lean into new ones. But I have done it.
Mentally, it has been rewarding. I am finding myself caring less about what other people think of me, giving less of my energy to the things that don’t fill my cup, and adapting with change instead of letting it overwhelm me. I am encountering other humans with curiosity and openness, allowing space for them to be who they are and accepting that not every new connection will result in equal acceptance of one another.
Physically, it has been quite the opposite. I have never had so much to drink, slept so little, or abused so many of my vices in my life. Not even in college. There were a few months this summer where I was only sleeping 4 out of 7 days a week while maintaining a full-time job and a 5-day workout regiment. Not exactly the healthiest I have been, but to be honest, it wasn’t my priority. And that’s ok.
I look back at this developmental season, and I feel grateful to have taken the time to embed these new lessons (the mental ones) into my core. Despite the casualties in my selfish moments and the physical damage to my body, I am left standing on a foundation that feels more secure in places that had been desperate for stability.
In the last 2 months I had to take a “time-out” from my current lifestyle to heal from a minor surgery and a broken foot, and it seems to have catapulted me into a space where I’m realizing that I don’t want to go back to it. My biggest fear in stepping away from it was that I would fall into a state of depression: diminished energy, less social interaction, inability to workout, etc. I thought I would get left behind by the people I had become close to, lose my confidence as my muscles faded from inactivity, or that I’d get swallowed up by insecurities in spending too much time alone with myself.
These were all familiar results to past experiences, and I set my expectations accordingly. But to my surprise, the depression never came. Instead, I got a bird’s-eye view of the incredible life I had built. I stepped back and observed as a supportive community of friends pulled closer. I slept long, peaceful hours with a quiet mind, secure in the fact that I actually liked spending time with myself. I let my body heal in its own time, knowing that my self-worth wasn’t a direct result of how my stomach looked in a crop top.
I was content. It took me by surprise, because it was unfamiliar, but I have embraced it and let it sink in. Which, of course, has been relatively easy now that I’m eating, sleeping, and pulling back from my vices.
Another successful season of character growth. Another beautiful chapter in the book of being MAVERICK.
So, now what? Naturally, I’m itching for the next challenge, the focus of the next season. I am noticing in my conversations with people a simple “hey, how are you?” is turning into my reeling about how bored I am. How I don’t know what to do with my time or energy.
And before you throw the usual ideas at me (read, serve, learn something new, etc.) I know how to not be bored. Boredom is a choice. I get it. There’s countless things I could choose to do with my time. But that’s not what I mean. I don’t think I’m using the right word when I say “bored.”
What I mean to say is that I’m uninspired. I’m not passionate about anything at the moment, I’m not excited, I’m not finding really any reason to get up in the morning because I’m just going through motions, a little disconnected. The good news is, this isn’t manifesting as depression as it has in the past. The bad news is, I have been finding myself reverting back to the partying out of familiarity, even though I’ve decided to close that chapter of my life.
Luckily, without the depressive factor, it’s been relatively easy to recognize my patterns and to pivot them. I know what tools to use to find my next adventure in a more healthy way. For me that means working out more (as a means of meditation and healthy energy flow), writing more, and putting myself in a position where I’m faced with a challenge or discomfort.
I’m happy to say that the next step is coming into focus. I’m not ready to share it publicly, but there’s some exciting things brewing. As a teaser, the next season will tangibly involve traveling, a shift in my career, and developing more of a lifting physique. Under the surface, I am hoping it will also involve an understanding of the word “intimacy.”
As usual, I hope you stick around for the adventure. There’s nothing more beautiful than connection, and I’m always fulfilled by the conversations that arise out of vulnerability. This is a space without judgment, where mistakes and uncertainty are welcomed, where humans are allowed to be humans.
Find your MAVERICK, live your MAVERICK.