We are the sum of the 5 people we spend the most time with.
We ultimately attract who we are.
I crossed paths with these two phrases way too many times this week to ignore them. So this evening I’ve just been sitting with them. And I went through some strange phases as I digested them.
Phase One: Depression
I couldn’t name five people. Woe is me… I don’t have very many friends out here in Chicago right now. Womp womp! I hang out with only 1 person consistently outside of work. And already I see how I’m just absorbing into his life, taking on his friends, and enjoying his hobbies. I’m not okay with that!
The remaining 4 people are all from work. A manager whom I really get along with, and a team that I really enjoy leading. That’s all well and good, but I also refuse to take work home with me. I need an escape.
Sure, I’ve joined a gym and I spark up conversations with people I meet at cafes and such, but I wouldn’t say I’ve got a friend-group out here yet, by any means. And that makes me sad.
Which brings me to the other half of this depressive stage… If I am sad, does that mean I am attracting more sad people?
Let’s think about this for a second… Because of this lack-of-people-in-my-Chicago-life thing, I have a tendency to go home after work. When I’m home, I want to feel less alone so I put on music or a show. Time passes, and I do nothing but ignore the fact that I feel alone. Next thing I know it’s 11pm, and I’ve wasted an entire evening wallowing in my loneliness. In a desperate attempt to save the evening, I text everyone I know. Friends from NJ, NY, PA, WA, and other parts of the country. I start conversations about nothing, just to feel “wanted.”
I’m alone. I’m sad. I’m desperate.
Phase Two: Anger.
Okay… alright… what the hell, Maggie! What is it that you want anyway? You think these late-night texts are going to get you the meaningful, in-person relationships you’re craving? NO. Don’t get me wrong, your friends are great and all, but you have to find some here as well. You have to go out and meet them.
You. Have. To. Go.
AKA do something!
These people are not magically going to appear when you wake up in the morning, are they?
What happened to the bad-ass “MAVERICK” that took the West Coast by storm a year and a half ago? She can 100% take-over the MidWest too. I know it!
Phase Three: Epiphany
Okay… yea… I have done it before. I have been in a new city before. I have been alone before. I have been sad before. I have had to make new friends before. I have had to create a new life before. And every time that I’ve had to do that, I’ve created something GREAT! So I can definitely do that again, can’t I?
What is it that I want?
Who do I want to be?
Who do I want to attract?
What kind of people do I want to be in my core-5 so I continue to create the life I dream of?
Phase Four: Do The Work/GET EXCITED
Are you with me so far, MavPack? Let’s do this together…
We have to get SO CLEAR about what it is that we want. So, let’s take those two quotes to heart here: If I am the sum of the 5 people I spend the most time with, who do I want to spend my time with? What are those people like? What do they do for a living? What do they do for fun? What are their health habits? What do they talk about? What music do they listen to? How do they treat others?
I could seriously ask 1000 questions. Make it REAL. Envision the people. Get crazy… dress them, name them, give them personalities. (Have I lost you…? =P)
I want a friend who is a great story-teller.
I want a friend who is an athletic competitor.
I want friends who LOVE their jobs.
I want a friend who cares about where his/her/their food comes from.
I want a friend who could spend hours talking about the way humans think.
I want a friend who enjoys hosting game nights.
I want a friend who instigates spontaneous adventures.
I want friends who would rather hike than watch movies.
I want friends who actively listen.
I want friends who get excited about each others passions and dreams no matter how unrealistic they may seem.
I want friends who value quality time.
I want a friend who calls just to say “hi,” with no other agenda.
I want a friend who makes me laugh every day.
I want a friend who is honest with me, even if it makes me upset.
I want friends who lift others up.
I want friends who look at life through a positive lens.
I want friends who believe that life is what we create.
I can see them. I can hear them laughing. I can feel their hugs and high-fives. I can envision the long runs, the hikes, the shared meals. They exist… and they’re on their way into my life.
Which leads me to part 2. We attract who we are.
These people already exist. My “friends” are here in Chicago waiting to meet me. (And yours, wherever you are…!) How quickly they get here is solely dependent on me.
Who am I right now? If I want a friend who listens well, can I say I am a good listener? If I want a friend who is athletic, can I say I am athletic?
As you read above, I have been focused on lack. I feel sad, I feel lonely, I feel unmotivated. How can I expect these great people to find me when I am like that?
So, who am I really? Who do I want to be?
We all know the answer to that already… MAVERICK!
I am Mindful. I am Authentic. I am full of Vitality. I am a lover of the Earth. I am Raw and Real. I am Intense. I am Creative. I am Kind.
And that’s only the beginning.
Do you see where I am going with all this?
It would be very easy to continue to sit here and let life happen. I can let the sad-lonely feeling linger while I continue to purchase pints of ice cream and binge another 3 seasons of How I Met Your Mother. I could hibernate all winter long wondering when my life will start. I could blame the weather, I could say “Its ME-day” again, I could let fear and doubt win.
I can be the person I want to be, trust that things are working out for my good, continue to focus on the life I want, and START. LIVING.
This isn’t new stuff. I know I’ve already posted on it more than once before.
But, listen guys… you have to KEEP GOING. It’s so easy to get yourself pumped up for a day, or a week, even. But, what happens when the hype wears off? What happens when it’s a polar vortex and you think “I just won’t workout this week, my goals can wait”?
Keeping the focus, maintaining the momentum, requires that you remind yourself of your goals/visions every. single. day.
Want to know my secrets? These are the things I have committed to before and am committing to again with you, tonight!
- POST IT!
Seriously… sticky notes everywhere! My goals are the first thing I see in the morning on my bedside table (not my phone). They are what I read on the bathroom mirror (instead of judging my body). They are what I see when I open the fridge (not the ice cream container).
I see them 100x a day, which leads me to think about them all day, which makes the visions clearer and more exciting, which keeps me ready to do what I do again tomorrow morning!
I have people I report to, weekly! I have friends who I share my vision with, and when they ask “how are you doing?” I want to be able to share with them all awesome stuff! And on days when things don’t go my way or I start to lose momentum, they are there to remind me why it’s important to me, and why it’s important to keep going.
Don’t feel comfortable asking your friends to hold you accountable? Join a group! Remember that awesome life-coach I referenced last year? Yep… she has an amazing Facebook group that I’m a part of that allows me to post my successes/failures/fears/achievements and feel supported and connected to others doing the same. I highly suggest you find a group to do the same! Need help? I got you…!
Yea, yea, yea, I know… everyone says that! But, there’s a reason! At the end of each day, it’s important to look back and see what went well for you. What are you thankful for? What happened that excited you? Who did you meet that made you smile?
Appreciate those moments! Because that’s your vision coming to life! And every baby-step is important, not just the big in-your-face ones!
So what do you think? We can do this right? Spend this week getting clearly about who you want in your life. And then BE that person.
Let’s watch our lives transform!
Can’t wait to meet all the MAVERICKs out there on their way to us!