It’s going to be the focus of 2019, for me.
As you all know, I haven’t been very consistent with MAVERICK since finding out I was moving to Chicago. First of all, thank you for your patience. I’m human, and really needed to focus on the process, the change, the goodbyes, and the settling in.
And truth be told, I’m far from “settled in.” My moving truck is somewhere in the Northwest carrying all the things that make my space a home, and it’s prevented me from finding my rhythm.
But that’s neither here nor there, for the sake of this post. Striving to be a minimalist is something we can talk about later!
This post is about INTENTION.
So what does that mean?
In.ten.tion: a determination to act in a certain way.
Every single time that I have moved my life, it has been to escape something. I went to college to escape high-school, I got married to escape moving back home, I travelled on the Appalachian Trail to escape my marriage, I moved home to escape the life left behind from divorce, and I moved to Seattle to escape all the memories that haunted me from the East Coast.
But I just moved to Chicago. And I wasn’t escaping anything.
For the first time ever, I wasn’t running away. I wasn’t looking to leave anyone or anything behind. I wasn’t avoiding a truth about my life that I wasn’t ready to face.
For the first time ever, I feel like I am exactly where I am meant to be. And this excites me! All of my friendships are strong. My relationships with my family are full of love and support. I am confident, content, and fulfilled by my job.
And no, not everything is perfect… MAVERICK is not where I want it be, I am spending all the winter holidays alone on the floor of an empty apartment, and dating is hard… BUT, I’m not defeated by these things.
Instead, I’m challenged and inspired.
I am living with intention.
I am pouring into my relationships with my friends and family, instead of desperately trying to impress everyone I meet in the hopes that they’ll like me. I am accepting the trust my employers have placed in me and working confidently, instead of desperately seeking approval as I steamrolled others with my ideas in the hopes that they’d be impressed. I am actively seeking romance and standing firm in my needs within a relationship, instead of desperately clinging to every opportunity and molding who I was in the hopes that someone would love me.
2018 was a year of desperation. It’s a scary thing to not know who you are and what you want. And you saw me work through all that. 2018 was a tough year, but a necessary year. I’ve now got the answers to the questions, “who am I?” And “what do I want?”
Which is exactly why I am able to live 2019 with intention.
What exactly will that look like?
Of course, we can never know for sure. We have to be open to change and flex our plans as we continue to learn from and experience life. What I do know is that we have the power to choose. We can choose to let things pull us closer to or further from who we are. We can choose how we let life affect us. We can choose how we spend our time and who we spend it with.
I listed my choices above… I am choosing to pour into friends, family, work (including MAVERICK!), and relationships. I am choosing these things in a way that fulfills me, yet continues to challenge me.
A year ago, if I was home alone in an empty apartment in a brand new city on what I think is the most beautiful holiday of the year – – I would’ve broke.
I would’ve been consumed by negative thoughts, influenced by my insecurities around what people think of me, attempting to drown it all out with immense amounts of food and alcohol, only to succumb to desperate and clingy texts to everyone I know, aggressive sobbing, and Netflix binging in the bathtub.
I’m smiling just thinking about it. Maggie a year ago was brave, bold, and adventurous, but the insecurities, the people pleasing, and the resentment for skipping over the exploration phase of her 20’s overwhelmed her. I have nothing but love for her journey.
Ew. I’m never talking in 3rd person again.
I am proud to say that I’ve put in the work. I’ve processed through those things that were holding me back from my own life. And, what in reality is a very short period of time, have learned how to live in a way that supports and nurtures the best version of me.
I’m so excited to share this adventure with all of you.
I already have some great posts lined up for this year: dealing with stress, navigating the dating scene, taking control of your health, creating your atmosphere, and running too many miles.
I hope you stick around for the ride! And better yet, I hope you share with each other as we navigate this life together.
I want to hear from you! I want to meet with you! I want to learn from you! I want to share with you!
So before I go celebrate the new year with myself, I ask you:
What’s your focus? What’s your word? What does 2019 look like for you?
Let’s do this MAV-pack!
I love you all. Happy New Year.