It seems to be all I can focus on these days.
For the first time since my marriage, I finally feel open and ready to let someone in. More than that, I’m craving it.
I have grown and learned so much about myself over the last two years.
I have let some in who I’m happy to say that I have loved, but there was still this “not yet” feeling in my gut. Like I couldn’t fully indulge in whatever relationship that was trying to start. I kept hitting the brakes, ending things before they could even really begin.
You know me well enough by now to know that I fully trust my intuition. And when she says “stop,” even if my brain wants to trudge-on forward, I stop.
Right now, she’s saying “go.” Right now, she’s saying “he’s on his way.” Right now, she’s saying, “keep your eyes open.” And that excites me!
In the last month, as we know, I’ve been very focused on building MAVERICK into all its glory. I have a billion ideas on what’s next, what it could look like, who I should talk to, and what the long-term goals are.
And while I have been leaning in and doing what I thought was setting myself up for massive momentum (changing day-jobs, purchasing domain names, building a team, writing a book), my intuition has said, “wait a minute.”
WHAT?! What do you mean wait?! I need to keep going, right?! If I want to be fully self-employed within the next year I can’t just wait a minute.
It has been incredibly frustrating. And I’ve experienced more doubt and insecurity in the last few weeks than I have since starting this movement.
But, like I said, I have really learned a lot about myself. I know my habits, my thought patterns, and I know what I need to do to snap myself back into the zone. Or, into the “vortex.” (Abraham Hicks anyone?!)
Step 1: Snack.
I am the snickers commercial in real-life. 9 times out of 10, the reason for me being “out of whack,” cranky, or quiet is because I am hungry. Get me some almonds, dark chocolate, or an avocado smoothie, STAT!
Step 2: Breathe.
I cozy myself up in my favorite chair, in the corner of a coffee shop, or smack-dab in the center of my bed, shut my eyes, and breathe. I literally say in my head “In-2-3, out-2-3.” I do this until I hit that sweet spot. You know, where everything is still, and quiet, and peaceful, regardless of what is actually going on around you.
Step 3: Focus.
At this point I focus on MAVERICK. I focus on what it stands for, I focus on how it has gotten me to where I am, I focus on the gratitude of being the carrier of this vision, I focus on all the fun and joy that surrounds it.
Step 4: Shut up and listen.
I think this is pretty self-explanatory. I quiet my mind, and I let the universe do the rest. I typically end up with a thought, an idea, a confirmation, or a vision that gets me right into the good flow.
I have been doing this routine every time I feel “stuck,” and it almost always gets me going again. I believe in it so much that I started doing it before I get stuck to just flat-out avoid getting stuck at all. I think it’s called “meditating,” right?
Anyway, it works.
Except these past weeks. I tried and I tried and I tried, and yea, I’d get a little buzz, but it would fizzle away very quickly. I gave myself excuses like that my brain was fried from learning the new day-job responsibilities, or that I couldn’t get in the zone because I wasn’t in my own home (I’m currently house-sitting) and meditating only works if I’m in my chair.
But that’s a bunch of crap.
It took me a few more tries before realizing that the truth was that I wasn’t really listening. I was trying to force myself to focus on building this business. Because that’s what I want. And I want it now. And I believe that if I focus on that, it’ll manifest. Which, is totally true… but, the universe has timing, and direction, and guidance, and a plan. And it’s not always going to be how I think it’s going to be.
Didn’t think I’d circle back to that did you?
One of the top priorities within MAVERICK right now is to find business partners. And I’ve been focused on active and inspired young-adults who want more time freedom, financial freedom, and physical wellness.
That’s all well and good, accurate and awesome, but the universe wants something else for me first: the ultimate business partner. A significant other, a lover, a full-time support system that I can build this life with.
At first, I was really confused. Why? Why would I want to take the risk of sharing this business-building-process with someone? What if we do great things for 6 months, and then it doesn’t work out? What if he has ideas that I don’t think are MAVERICK-enough?
But then I remembered who I am. I don’t doubt my intuition. I say “yes,” and dive in with full-force. I love hard. I move forward trusting things will work out, even if I’m scared out of my mind.
So I said, “Okay. Now what?”
And wow did the flood gates open! All of a sudden, I could see him. I could feel him. I could picture building a life with this handsome, energetic being who latches on to the MAVERICK vision and helps me take it further than I ever thought possible.
Wow. Sign me up, please!
In the passing days, I’ve been getting more and more downloaded to me about what he’ll be like, and what we will build together, and it fills me with such excitement that I feel like I’m already dating him! I have an entire sheet of paper scribbled with notes about him.
The crazy part is that I’ve met people like him before. And I’ve always thought that I wasn’t good enough for someone like that; that someone like that couldn’t exist and want me simultaneously.
And yes, I keep saying that the universe is downloading all of this to me. But, the truth is that it has been in me all along. It’s all things that I want but didn’t think I deserved; didn’t think was possible for me.
Again I say, there’s so much I have learned about myself over the past two years, and one of those things is that I. Am. So. Worthy.
There is no reason why I can’t have this love that I have been dreaming about. There’s no reason why I can’t be with someone who fits every single trait I have written down on that sheet of paper. There’s no reason why I should have to settle for anything less than what I want, because it’s what I deserve.
It’s what we all deserve. We’re all so wonderful, amazing, unique, and creative… having someone to compliment that, to inspire you, to support you, to challenge you, and whom you can also believe in and pour into equally… that can exist! And yea, he’s gunna have the most adorable smile, strong arms, and bright eyes to go right along with that great personality. Cuz, why not?!
I’m not going to post my list here because it’s not really anyone else’s business. But, I will say that I do look at it every day. I do include it in my meditation focus. I do trust that this studly and fantastic life partner is on his way to me right now.
And even though it’s killing me to be patient, I am finding joy in the process. Every time I meet someone new, I smile and think to myself, “is it you?” Which is honestly kind of fun!
I am remembering a piece of me that I had shut down for way too long. I love love. I love the meeting of someone new, I love the slow build and the flirting, I love the potential and the second guessing, I love the butterflies and the nervousness, I love the first kiss, I love the hand-holding, I love the getting-to-know-you’s, I love the intimacy, I love the shared meals, I love the constant discoveries, I love sleeping next to another being, and I love the thrill of the risk! Because we can’t really know if it’s going to work out. There is no guarantee. I am divorced, after all… I get it. But, there’s so much joy that exists within love. And I’d rather risk it all again and let that joy in, than to fear the what-if’s.
And beyond that, I am realizing how much more significant all of this hard work will be when I build it with someone. Because I am a relationship person. I know that I thrive when I am in one, and I know how fulfilling it is for me to love another person. It occurred to me how difficult it may be to build MAVERICK into something huge and then try to share it with someone. It would be all mine and I am not sure I would really be able to share it. So, as usual, I believe the universe knows what is best for me, and I am thankful that this is happening now, before I get myself too far down my path alone.
Let’s do this, love! I am ready for you. I am open to receive. And thank you in advance, because I can feel it in my bones that this is gunna be great!