I seem to be in a strange spot. It’s a familiar one, but definitely not a comfortable one. It’s the space between where I am and where I’m about to be.
Maybe that sounds like… duh, we always are. But, I mean something deeper (of course).
You see, I’ve put all this work in. I made the investments: physically, financially, mentally. I made sacrifices with my time, my relationships, my savings. I fed my passion and what I knew to be my truth despite the circumstances I was in. My heart (and my bank account, let’s be real) are ready to reap the rewards of my hard work.
And I know it’s coming. I feel it. It’s a guarantee. The Universe doesn’t just hand you something great, ask you to make it reality, and then not say “thank you, rockstar.”
But, something is… off? Like I’m one-step away from really getting there. Like I finished a 5,000-piece puzzle but there’s a little hole right in the middle. Like I’m standing outside the door of a warm, cozy, welcoming, downright good-time party, but I’m afraid to knock.
Wait… is that it? Fear? I was just in-the-zone and that popped out.
I’ve heard it cross my path before: fear of success. Because I’m used to this spot; this one-step-away-from-greatness spot. I’m used to having a dream that I’m working towards, not living it. I’m used to having the “just making it” bank account, not an overflowing one. I’m used to this feeling. As crappy as it may be to sell myself short, it’s familiar.
If I try… if I really try, I could fail. There’s so many ways I could fail. Sometimes, I don’t share my vision with people because I don’t want to hear the word “no.” Sometimes, I say “I’ll send you information later,” because I want to be able to re-read what I share 1,000 times instead of looking stupid/unprepared in person. Sometimes, I lay awake at night and think that I should just stop all this and go corporate because it would be “safer” and I wouldn’t have to try as hard.
But, this is all nonsense really. I mean, let’s think about it.
If people say “no,” what happens? Nothing. We go on being friends/acquaintances/family. We all go right on living like nothing ever happened. If anything, I just got one more opportunity to practice how I share my story.
You know what else is true? If I don’t ask, people can’t say “yes.” So, there’s actually more risk in NOT asking. Trying and failing get’s me further than not trying at all.
What happens if I fumble over my words in-front of someone? Nothing. Sure, I may turn a little red, but I’ll also laugh. And maybe they’ll laugh, too. Or maybe they won’t. But, I’m human… that’s relatable. And if they can’t laugh with me, do I really want them on my team? Meh, probably not. Dodged a bullet!
You know what else is true? I DON’T have all the pieces together right now. MAVERICK is not perfectly up to par with what I know it can be. But, that’s okay. I can own up to it. Again, I’m human… it’s relatable. That’s what this movement is all about right?
A. AUTHENTIC. I gotta live that.
Is corporate really “safer?” Because last I checked, my soul had been run-over by the corporate system. Sure, I wouldn’t have to think for myself, I could just be a cog in someone else’s wheel. But, is that what I really want?
M. MINDFULNESS C. CREATIVITY.
Earlier this year I was working 60-70 hours a week, I was 15-pounds overweight, I was sleeping 4-5 hours a night, I was drinking 7 nights a week, I was stressing myself out for a promotion that I didn’t get, and I spent my “days off” recovering with Netflix and napping. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t living, and I sure as hell wasn’t getting anywhere.
MAVERICK saved me. Again. Just like it did 2 years ago when I started preparing for the Appalachian Trail. Every time I get away from my MAVERICK, my life stops becoming mine. I am at the mercy of my circumstances, trying to survive.
But, when I actually align with MAVERICK, when I feed the passion, share the vision, and FOCUS on the goals, I thrive. Even when I hear the “no,” even when I feel confused about what I currently have, even when I have a stressful moment at my day-job (for now!) – – I thrive!
So, what’s there to fear?
I can only imagine what’s on the other side of the door, what the whole picture looks like when it’s completed. I can only imagine what thriving really means, versus what little chunk of it I have access to right now.
Do you feel me?
Cuz, I’m so feelin’ me right now!
I. INTENSITY. V. VITALITY.
You know what I did this whole week? Doubt.
I have a few prospective MavPack-ers who got amped up by my vision and said “yes,” but haven’t finalized the process yet. My doubt said, “You aren’t good enough. They didn’t finalize because your vision isn’t that great.”
I lost 4 pounds and had a kick-ass Crossfit session, where I PR’d a front squat. To celebrate, I had 2 beers and some pizza. The rest of the week consisted of more beer, a loaf of bread, cereal, cake… need I go on? My doubt said, “You’re ugly. You’ll never reach your goals. Abs ain’t gunna happen, so you may as well keep eating.”
I hit “write” in the top, left corner of my WordPress screen every single day and not a single word was written. Actually, that’s not true. I wrote “focus,” but only because a pop-up kept appearing that said “you haven’t written anything yet” and that made me mad. My doubt said, “… and this is why you can’t be a blogger. You start things and you don’t finish them. You know what bloggers do? They write. Consistently. You aren’t good enough.”
Icing in the cake? I asked out a boy. I had a gut feeling, was high on last week’s MAVERICK-wins, and I put myself out there. Didn’t work out the way I planned. My doubt said, “Not worth it. Not good enough. All things to describe you. You’re gunna be alone forever, so stop trying.”
You know what? Thank you, doubt. Because now I know without a doubt that I’m onto something good here with MAVERICK.
I believe that everything has an equal and opposite reaction. And while the universe has all this greatness stored up for us (God, Universe, insert-your-spirituality-here), there’s going to be forces that try to stop us.
So I must have something worth trying to stop.
We’re not stopping, though, are we MavPack? Because the world needs this. It’s a GOOD thing. No… it’s a GREAT thing. It’s something that can help a lot of people step into their full potential. And what do people lit-up with their fullest potential do?
KICK. MAJOR. ASS.
CHANGE. THE. WORLD.
Maybe the word “focus” wasn’t totally nothing when I sat down to write earlier this week. Maybe it was exactly what I needed. What we all need. To become undeniable clear about our goals and FOCUS.
When the crap tries to bring us down? FOCUS.
When people say “no?” FOCUS
When people say “yes,” but don’t commit? FOCUS.
When carbs overtake your body? FOCUS.
When all you can write is “focus?” FOCUS.
When the cute boy isn’t interested? FOCUS.
Because if we FOCUS and keep moving forward, we’re going to get where we want to be. We’re going to thrive. We’re going to get better and better at reacting to challenges in a way that keeps us moving forward. We’re going to strengthen everything that our MAVERICK’s stand for every time they are challenged, becoming unbreakable! Our passion is going to glow so brightly that we infect the world around us with love and curiosity.
R. RAW AND REAL. K. KINDNESS.
Thank you, everyone. I needed you this week. I needed this space to just “be.” I am forever humbled by the love and support that flows from the MavPack. I am forever grateful for the open-arms that welcome me in every time I let my “human” show (aka always).
Let’s continue to strengthen one another; to help each other find our inner-MAVERICK; to harness our true selves and sky-rocket into our fullest potentials.
And you know, sometimes we’ll drink beer, eat pizza, and watch the new season of Shameless all in one sitting. As long as we OWN IT.
4 thoughts on “Owning It.”
Huge fan of this post! I often find myself walking through all of the steps rationally before acting, everything lines up, I just need to act. And yet most of the time I fail to. I never considered the afraid of success perspective, it may or may not be that but thank you for the insight!
Thanks so much! Yea it’s definitely worth exploring… happens more than we think! I used to over-plan too, but not a lot happens unless we ACT. Best of luck! Thanks for reading!
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Everything you said in this post, EVERYTHING. Is exactly what I’m thinking. What I’m going through. You inspire me beyond words. And I want to change things. Because of you, I will change things.
Wendy!! Thank you so much for those supportive words – you’re amazing! I definitely want to follow-up with you on how we can get you to your goals! BUT – 100% they gotta be for you. No one else!